The End of the World is Nigh!

The Reformed Church of the Penitent Seeking the Mercy of the Lord have recently changed their prediction for when the end of the world will happen. They now believe it will take place on the 30th of May 2011, at 2pm Zulu.

Social and religious commentators have been quick to notice that the degree of precision on this prediction is significantly higher than previous announcements from this particular body of doom-mongers. The official mainstream religions decried the announcement, reminding everyone that it has always been taught that the day of judgement will not be announced in advance, and there is no evidence of any new reason to revise this view.

Secular bodies have said that they will continue to run business as usual, but did note that the demand for extreme adult entertainment seemed to have risen slightly since the announcement, plus there had been a .5% rise in work absenteeism since the date was made public.

Spokespersons for the Reformed Church of the Penitent Seeking the Mercy of the Lord said that their congregations had seen a significant rise, since the end of days was made known to them. They urged everyone to abstain from sin immediately, and seek the road to finding the Lord’s mercy, that only their church could provide.

2 comments

  1. Which world is ending this time? It’s nice to have a little advance warning so I can have the fleet ready to help worlds devastated by shadow storms yet again, but sheesh could we possibly have a moratorium on creating or destroying worlds for a while?

    Consider redecorating on an existing world instead of creating a new one. A splash of color and some new furniture can really brighten up a room and these things usually don’t require multiversal disasters to pull off. Instead of destroying a world maybe count to ten or seek out arbitration services for whatever grievance led to this point.

    That said, I’m not complaining about the rise in interest in adult entertainment. Nothing wrong with that.

  2. To put it in cricket terms, it was very nearly clean bowled, but the ball slid past the stumps on the off side, and it was Not Out.

    Some people (who have been declared by the authorities to be suffering from a mass delusion), claim that they saw a massive Space Ship (like 15 miles long) appear over central England, and seem to be falling towards the earth. But then it veered a bit, and vanished again.

    The Reformed Church of the Penitent Seeking the Mercy of the Lord issued a statement saying that, on this occasion, clearly, the Mercy of the Lord had been forthcoming, and that mankind therefore has more time to repent its sinful ways. They also gave an address to which repentance could be sent, in the Cayman Islands.

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