Lady Beth Johnson

Elizabeth Johnson
Lady Beth Johnson

I am the daughter of Dara of Thelbane, who was born in 1950 during a brief time that my mother spent on Earth working as an intern in the office of the President of the United States, one LBJ (Lyndon Baines Johnson). Hey guys – trust me when I say that Clinton was not the first president with a zipper problem, and he won’t be the last.

Mom was so into Dad that she even made sure to register my birth in Thelbane such that when you use my social rank and my nickname, I follow the tradition that Dad established for every lady in his life – I am another LBJ. Lady Beth Johnson.

However, Mom at least was discrete, and didn’t sell her story to the gossip rags, so for the most part my step mom LBJ, (Lady Bird Johnson) and my two half sisters, LBJ and LBJ (Linda Bird Johnson and Luci Baines Johnson) never suffered the first hint of scandal or outrage at my existence. I loved my Dad, and I respect the ones that were his real family, and I am glad Mom didn’t mess it up for them.

I spent as little time as I could in Thelbane, which means that I missed a lot of gossip and news. Still do, as it happens. In all honesty the place scares the crap out of me, always has, and I’m perfectly happy to live a quiet life in some suburban backwater.

For a while I was married to  a guy called Larry Cantrell, and I loved him to distraction. I gave him our two beautiful kids, Dot and Joe, and it cut my heart in two when I found him in the bath having slit his wrists because he wanted to be a woman instead of a man. He decided to go through that change, and I couldn’t handle it, so we divorced. In fact I handled it so badly that I moved to a different state, and got a restraining order to stop Larry making any contact with me or the kids. Thinking about it now, I was a bit of a cow about it all actually. But back then, people just didn’t go off and get sex changes and carry on with the rest of their lives as normal.


Suburbia is not easy for any single mom, but it was less difficult for the daughter of an ex president, even if he wasn’t actually alive any more, he left me well set. I think I would have remained that way quite happily had not Thelbane come knocking on my door again last year. A new boyfriend turned out to be a Chanicut rat bastard, who wheedled his way into my life with the sole purpose of having me and my kids abducted and transported to a distant corner of the galaxy, to become hosts for a Goa’uld god. Suddenly I was Osiris, master of evil, and the kids were working as slaves in a Naquadah mine.

Larry came to the rescue with a bunch of his friends. He’s actually Lydia now, and it’s the oddest thing – I like her just as much as I ever did Larry. Of course, they had to pretty much kill me to get Osiris out, and I spent months in therapy afterwards trying to come to terms with the things Osiris had done while he was me. Lydia took the kids off somewhere safe, and I had to work my way back from a very dark place. I have to express my deep thanks to Robert, my therapist, for helping me find my way.

We’ve sort of left Earth now, or at least Earth as we knew it – St. James is the name that’s been given to that Earth, I’m told. Lydia has moved us off somewhere else, and we’re kind of back in each other’s lives again, even if we’re taking it one day at a time. I still have trouble getting over the fact that he’s now a girl.

Lydia lee Cantrell
Lydia lee Cantrell

At least we have a clue why we have come back together again after all this time – according to a priestess of Larabelle, we are each other’s True Loves, and according to another priest of Dorlan, we are reincarnated from people who were also lovers in our past life.

House Discordia

Discordia is the name of the Roman goddess of chaos, and she is in our lives again it would seem. Discordia now lives, and is hosted by my True Love Lydia. Discordia has also given her name to the new House of Thelbane which Lydia has been empowered to form. As a sign of solidarity, and out of honour to the former life from which many of the new recruits of Discordia were rescued, every one of the women of Discordia has pledged that our Trump image will be a nude.

Duchess Consort of DiscordiaI stand with my lover, and support her completely, and thus I am proud to publish my new Trump here, and to be the Duchess Consort of this House. Our husband Luke painted it. Boy is he having fun lately.



Further Update

You know how I mentioned how much fun our husband Luke had been having? Incidentally, I should probably introduce him properly. Duke Lucas Reynard is our husband. Well, I’m not sure if husband is the right term for the guy in a Ménage à trois. Either way, he’s the one that has been busy manufacturing my latest news.

There are ten more little LBJs in the world. Ten! I mean, holy fuck! My Ménage and I made ten of them. Obviously Lydia is way more versatile at shape shift than I am, so she did the lioness’s share of the actual being pregnant. I had twins. She had Octs.

I could list them all here by name, but then our enemies would know who they were, and they’d try and kill them, and then I’d have to go and kill them, and then their kin would try and kill me, and then Lydia would get involved, and then there’d be this massive war, and … well you get the gist. So instead, I’ll just say again that there are TEN of them, and I’ll go off into my happy place again with my wife and my husband, and maybe we’ll make some more. We sure all do love practicing.


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